I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
