Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
