After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
