Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
