yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
