if i can run in heels then i can drive
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
