i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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