so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
