My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
