WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
