Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just crazy horny about you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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