just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize