My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
