your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
