1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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