His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
tell me about the fingering
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