i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
