I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
3pm strippers are depressing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
