Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
