Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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