"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
