I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
