We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
