I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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