im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
