I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is my gift to your gina
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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