Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize