There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
