Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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