Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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