Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
