I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
