This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
