if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
