can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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