Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
