im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
