Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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