So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
