So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
