Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
