and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize