OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
