Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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