girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Randomize
