How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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