woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
