I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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