Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
