How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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