so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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