I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
