Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
