im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont even know how to be here
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i think im in europe. pls send help
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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