at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
