I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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