I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
