Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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