God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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