So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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