I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
