He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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