My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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