I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
