I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
