Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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