I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
