he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
