McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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