I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
