By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Success! We fucked roommates!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
