At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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