nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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