Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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