what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize