First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
