My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
